A few nights ago I was driving home from work with my left hand positioned on the steering wheel at just the right angle so that as I slowed to a stop in my driveway, I was left to gaze at my engagement ring in a very typical "just engaged" fashion. The diamond sparkled beautifully in the dim lighting of the night & it fit like a dream. "Damn," I thought to myself, "I upgraded."

It is no secret that this is not my first engagement, and it won't be my first marriage either. There are days that I am still ashamed of that fact because I, too, once preached that "my first marriage will be my only marriage" and "divorce wasn't an option - ever." But the reality is that divorce was an option and the reason my first marriage didn't make it was precisely because I didn't believe it could ever fail. That, I learned, was my biggest mistake during the years of calling myself Olivia Lowman. I believed that my marriage was invincible and I did not need to protect it because we were simply going to make it. Divorce was not going to happen and no matter what, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse (or really worse or oh-my-God-can-it-even-get-any-worse) we were going to stay married until "death do us part."

So as I sat in my driveway gazing longingly at my new bling, I looked up a the house that Scott and I built together and I reflected on how so much has changed over the past few years. The biggest change of all, I noticed, was the change in myself. A few years ago, I was a self-admitted mess. I was selfish & unforgiving, depressed, anxious, and a slew of other adjectives that you'd never put on a resume, including unhappy...and so was my ex-husband. The key word in that sentence? Was.

We were awful at being married. Friends and family of my ex may read this and think, "well no wonder he was awful, you were awful," and my friends and family may read this and think, "he was the awful one, he's even the one that left," but the truth is, he's just the one that drove away. In different ways, we both left our marriage long before the separation began and yes, even though I did try to salvage the marriage and begged him to come home, I don't really blame him for not wanting to. Now let me make one thing clear, no matter how cringe-worthy it may be for anyone to read: My ex-husband & I could have made it work. We could have done a lot of things differently during our marriage and at the bitter end, we didn't make the right choice. This is a simple truth that any person who calls themselves a Christian already knows to be true: divorce is not God's plan and He hates it. We should still be married to this day & if we had stuck through the darkest part of our marriage, we'd probably be okay right now. 

I say this because I don't want anyone reading this who is married & going through a really rough patch - or perhaps even their own separation or divorce - to think my point in writing this is to glorify divorce & remarriage. God can take the most broken marriage & the most broken husband or wife and He can change their heart. He can mend what we think can't be fixed. He can heal the wounds we think are too deep to repair. He can rebuild the trust we don't think we can offer to our spouse anymore. He can restore joy inside the heart of the most depressed... I could go on and on and on. But for those who don't truly know that yet, and for those who allowed the enemy to step in and make a decision that we should have given to God, there is grace. 

I walked inside and unloaded the day's baggage before making my way upstairs. I made a mental note of how big our new house really is, not just in square feet but in the blessing of getting to live here. When I got upstairs I found my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I washed off the day's makeup. As I stared at myself with my hair back, make-up off, and jewelry put away I repeated the same thought I had in the driveway with an amendment: "I upgraded, and so did Ethan." 

If you haven't caught on, I'm not talking about diamonds. I'm not talking about the new person I'm sharing my life with or the house we're calling a home. I'm talking about myself. The version of Olivia that Scott proposed to isn't the same as the version of Olivia that was married to Ethan. The version of Ethan that Sarah falls asleep next to every night is not the same version of Ethan that I was married to. Thank God, right? 

We upgraded. 

We grew up. 

We made mistakes & we punished ourselves far more harshly than we needed to. 

We lived & we learned. 

We became forgiving.

We became better listeners.

We became trusting.

We became trustworthy.

We became happy.

We upgraded.

And I'm going to take a second to do something else that's typically taboo. I'm going to brag about my ex for a second, because like it or not, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the person I shared almost a decade of my life with. So here goes: I'm proud of him & Sarah. She wasn't around to hear it, but he's been talking about being a dad since he was 16. I knew he'd be an amazing father & now he is. He has two beautiful sons with a truly beautiful woman. They've blended their family together & Ethan works hard to provide for them. I don't doubt for one second that Upgraded Ethan is doing everything I always knew he was capable of & I am beyond thankful that he's in a relationship that makes him happy. That was always our wish for each other in the beginning & that wish has come true...maybe in a slightly different fashion that we envisioned so many years ago, but it's come true none the less.

As for Upgraded Olivia? The Lord has blessed me beyond measure. I was telling a friend last night on the phone that as soon as I stopped trying to control my life and I let God have the reins, things fell into place. I am engaged to the most patient & kind man. Scott is more than I could have dreamed and hoped for...he is truly who I prayed for. He shows me the love of the Lord every day through his actions & through his words. He does not envy, he doesn't boast and he isn't proud. Scott doesn't dishonor other people and he isn't self-seeking. He doesn't get angry quickly and he never keeps a record of what I do wrong. He rejoices in truth and doesn't delight in evil. My fiance always protects me. He always trusts me and hopes with me. He perseveres. He never fails me.

It's quite fitting that this is my last blog post of 2015. All of us are ready for 2016. It will be a year of so much excitement. Engagement parties, wedding showers, marriages, children's birthday parties, time with family and the chance to keep upgrading every. single. day. 

My handsome fiance, me, Ethan & his beautiful wife-to be. Happiness, the Lord's blessings and upgrading looks good on everyone. 

Happy new year. 

Building 6610

When I started this blog I said I may not be posting regularly, but oops. I didn't mean to go two months with radio silence. Silence on the blog doesn't means silence in real life, though...on the contrary! Scott and I have been so busy with work and life and perhaps we've been the busiest with just waiting for our first HOME to be built!  I thought I'd share a few pictures of the process before doing our big reveal once we close... which is happening in NINE days!

Scott has lived in our apartment since before we started dating, and when we began our relationship & I moved in and started helping out with the bills... woah, did the price of rent smack me in the face. I had previously paid a mortgage that was much less than what we've been paying monthly and Scott longed to have a home that was really his. So, rather quickly, we started looking into real estate in our area. We went "neighborhood shopping" for a few weeks before realizing how affordable building a house is in our area right now. Where I'm from, neighborhoods don't just pop up all the time so building typically requires purchasing land and then hiring a contractor to build the home. Here, though, real estate is exploding and there are tons of neighborhoods in development. We visited probably one million model homes which was really fun at first but then became incredibly exhausting. We finally found the perfect one & in June of this year, we signed our names on the line and began the tedious process of hurry up & wait.

I'd like to tell you that the whole process was just plain exciting & fun and that there were no fights that lasted through the night about what color granite would go in the kitchen and whether or not the fireplace would go in the middle of the wall or the corner or if we'd even have one at all, but I'm an honest girl. I'm incredibly grateful that Scott really puts me first and that at 1am when I'm almost in tears over a fireplace (in retrospect, I may have been PMSing at the time), he simply took my hand and said, "Baby, call the builder first thing. Let's add the fireplace. And let's go to bed."

Overall, after one or two bouts of doubting all the choices we made, though, the process was incredibly easy. Scott & I both have very similar tastes and we had a long list of "musts" and "wants" and "we can live withouts" that made narrowing down the floor plan & choices rather easy. We ended up going with Ryland homes in the floor plan Landrum - D. Thankfully, we were able to visit a few homes in this floor plan, so we weren't going in too blindly. It blows my mind how some people are able to look at a paper and decide on a plan...I'm way too visual for that.

We pretty randomly picked out our lot without thinking much about it. In fact, this was the first lot the sales person showed us and we loved that it was near a cul-de-sac and also had a protected tree line. We knew we didn't want a large yard but needed enough for our dogs to run and play once we built a fence and lot 128 fit our needs nicely!

Once we picked out our lot, we scheduled a trip to the design center where we'd pick out the details of our home:

And after that, we did lots & lots of waiting until they were ready to begin. We spent lots of miles just driving past "our dirt" to remind ourselves of what we were working towards. It was tough being on a really tight budget for seven long months and not being able to always "see" what we were saving for. There were some really frustrating days when we wanted to go do things or buy certain things and the money was right there in our account but we couldn't touch it because of this seemingly mythical house we were "supposedly" going to be moving into "eventually."

I remember this day so clearly... we drove by the lot and we finally saw a little progress! They were getting ready to pour the foundation and we had been told that once the foundation was poured, it would go by really fast. 

 

After we saw that work was starting, we began driving by ALL the time. I really think this kept me sane... I loved watching our hard work come to life and we used it as motivation to keep saving & waiting patiently. Here you can see the foundation begin! 

A few days later, the sales rep for the development sent us this picture of the frame work going up and it went up fast.

By the time we got by to see it in person, it already looked like a house and the second floor was constructed!

This is an important picture that really brought me to tears when I saw it in person. Originally, to save money, I compromised and didn't get a fireplace so we could get the upstairs balcony that Scott really loved. We looked at re-sale value and the cost of gas and agreed that the fireplace was going to be more costly in the long run and that (to my surprise) most people opt out of a fireplace now when they build, so it wouldn't be a big deal when we decided to sell down the road. After a few restless nights and Scott knowing it was on my mind, well, you already know the rest of the story (see above):

The roof was finished & siding started to go up:

It looked so good once it was all on!

I have tons  of pictures of inside framework & drywall that I won't bore you with, but here are a few that will serve as good "before" pictures of the inside: 

Then our stone was completed and our driveway was poured. We were incredibly happy that the driveway was poured because that meant we didn't have to walk across dirt and mud every time we wanted to go inside:

From here, it was lots of detail-oriented work and sometimes when we'd visit it didn't look like a lot had happened day-to-day, but we were excited for cabinets, stair rails, and the mantel. It started to look like a real home, not just a house:

Paint really made it come together in our minds even though there was a lot left to be done:

 

Flooring was next, even though they keep the wood covered to protect it. Tile was laid in our bathrooms & carpet on the steps & upstairs:

    

Y'all don't even know how exciting sod is until you build a house: 

Or how exciting appliances & countertops can be: 

 

And finally, the most recent shot of the outside with our columns painted!

We cannot wait until we close on the 22nd! We do our final walk-through on Tuesday and then, once we sign on the dotted line (for what seems like the zillionth time), we can start moving in. At first we planned to move in slowly through mid-february when our lease is up in our apartment, but we're just too dang excited now, so expect lots of pictures & home decor updates between now and then!

Would anyone be interested in youtube videos of our house projects & progress? Scott & I have been tossing the idea around and it sounds kind of fun. Let me know!

fall capsule wardrobe!

I am really excited that I've got my fall capsule wardrobe finished*!   *almost

I'll be honest, this was an incredibly easy task to complete thanks to my mom who took me shopping for my birthday a few weeks early and also because by nature, I gravitate towards cool weather -friendly pieces. Even after this past spring/summer when I made an effort to have season appropriate clothing, I had several that also will work great this fall. Additionally, where I had to pretty much start from scratch for my spring/summer wardrobe, I had several pieces that I tucked away in a box that were just waiting to be let out for this season!

I'll also be completely honest by admitting that my wardrobe isn't 100% completely done, but it's so close that I'm ready to share it. I'm missing a few staple pieces (I need both a long sleeve black and white shirt, and also a pair of flats) and then I'd really love to add a fun printed legging. Scott and I are on a ridiculously tight budget until the end of October while we're paying the initial down payment on our home, so I'm making do with what I have until November!

So, without anymore waiting...here we go!

First up, tops! I am obsessed with sweaters & flow-y cardigans. The bulk of my capsule is here & I couldn't be happier about it! There are a few things I'll be switching out over the next few months, like the denim button up on the top row. It fits well but isn't made of the best material for me, so I'm on the hunt for the perfect one. There are also a few pieces I may part with before my capsule is over with, like the pink sequence shirt. I love that shirt and it looks great paired with a black blazer for a night out, but I remember never wearing it last year even though I had the same intentions. If after a two months I never reach for it, I'll swap it for a more versatile piece. I also have two black blazers but I'll probably let the dressier of the two go as well...I always say it'll be perfect for the holidays but I never actually wear it.

The rest of my capsule is quite plain! I have 1 sweater dress, one nicer dress, one pair of black leggings, one pair of black dress paints, one pair of skinny jeans & one pair of relaxed fit jeans. I have only three pairs of shoes for fall: two wedges & my Keds. I'm on the lookout for the perfect pair of fall boots & a pair of flats but I haven't fallen in love with anything yet so I'm trying to be super patient! 

And that's it! I have 34 pieces total for fall which is kind of crazy because I absolutely love fall clothing and this is my smallest capsule yet! To be honest, this is probably the smallest amount of clothing I've ever had in my closet but I can say that I really like each piece. I also have room to add about 10 pieces without feeling guilty over the next few months which is exciting because I really love shopping for fall clothes! One part of the capsule lifestyle that always turns me off is the idea that you don't shop during that season...and that's really not my style! So I'm excited to add my own twist to the capsule rules by allowing myself to add a few pieces while starting out with the bulk of it already complete. 

So that's it! What does your capsule look like?

happy birthday + my favorite day

As I sat down to my blog tonight, I wasn't quite sure where to start. I asked Scott what he thought I should write about and he suggested that I write about my day. That's quite fitting, really, because today has always been my favorite day of the year & starting twenty-five years ago, it's always been Scott's birthday. What a happy coincidence that my favorite person was born on my favorite day...it's made the celebration extra sweet, for sure.

I would usually take the time to describe why I love October in great detail & I would try to capture a bit of it's magic through words. But tonight, the only thing I want to talk to about is how absolutely thankful I am that I got to spend my favorite day with the best guy in the world. 

Years ago, I would never have guessed that we'd be where we are now, but I am so grateful that this is where my life has taken me. By my side, I have someone who is incredibly caring, passionate & selfless. My needs are always met, even when his aren't. He teaches me every day to be a better person and he shows me through action what it means to live a life of integrity. 

While I usually can find all the words to say, this one leaves me quite speechless at times. I'm forced to simply sit back in awe of someone who gives so much and try to find rest in the silence that comes from a language that isn't spoken, but rather felt through a love I never knew really existed. 

To my knight in shining armor, I wish the happiest birthday in the world. I can't wait to adventure through twenty-five with you. 

pumpkin spice cupcakes + hello fall

In the past I've read about Seasonal Affective Disorder which is a type of depression that happens at the same time every year and typically lasts through a specific season. For most people, their depression will set in at the beginning of fall and last through the cold winter, only finding relief when the spring brings new life & the temperature warms up. I find the opposite happens for me. Yesterday we welcomed the first day of fall with the most beautiful September weather. I stepped outside just as the sun was setting and my mood immediately shifted. The cool air embraced me & the smell of fall reminded me that life was brilliant again.

So naturally, we needed to celebrate. And what better way to celebrate than cupcakes? I don't intend to always write about food and recipes but I'm still on my Kitchenaid Mixer high and I make no apologies. I found this amazing recipe for pumpkin spice cupcakes yesterday and since I already had all the ingredients, they became my First Day of Fall Celebration Cupcake. I topped them off with this homemade icing & oh my gosh -run, don't walk, to your kitchen and make these. 

During the baking process I only made a few changes. First, for the cupcakes, I didn't have all the separate spices that it called for (i.e. I don't have clove in my pantry) so instead of using individual spices, I totaled how many teaspoons of spices the recipe called for and just used that many teaspoons of Pumpkin Pie Spice that I did have.  I also didn't have any extra pumpkin left over the for frosting recipe so I simply left that out, added a touch more spice & 1 teaspoon vanilla extract and it was still amazing. Since this recipe makes 2 dozen cupcakes, I also made 1/2 the batch normally and then the second 1/2 with chocolate chips. In retrospect, I should have left the chocolate chips out because the original was so good on its own. If you love chocolate, you may really enjoy the addition, though!

I'm continuing to grow more and more obsessed with my Kitchenaid Mixer, but I promise to shut up about it eventually. In addition to finding & trying fall recipes, I'm slowly finishing up my fall bucket list and I'm incredibly excited about it! There are so many activities that are only magical during fall & I can't wait to do as many of them as possible.

What are your favorite things to do during the fall?  

kitchenaid mixer + review

After months of talking about my dream of owning one, a few weeks ago my mom let me know that if it's what I really wanted, she'd invest in a Kitchenaid Mixer as my Christmas present.

I spent hours reading reviews, looking at the different color options (which are quite overwhelming, to be honest), figuring out what tilt head & bowl lift meant, learning the difference between Artisan & Classic and trying to decide what I actually needed. I use the term needed loosely because let's be honest, although the Kitchenaid Mixer is a total game changer, this is an expensive item that is a total want.

My new mixer.. isn't she pretty?

I quickly realized that for my entry-level baking skills, and because I'm typically only baking for two people, I didn't need an extra large mixing bowl or the largest motor...and that was probably a good thing because these mixers can get very expensive, very quickly. I knew the most basic mixer would be more than enough for my needs & because these mixers withstand the test of time, if I ever wanted to upgrade, I knew I could pass this mixer on to one of my sisters or a friend and that it would still work perfectly as long as it was taken care of.

My mom had been pressuring me to make a choice about color, something I was putting off heavily because I'm in the process of building a home and haven't made choices about the color scheme in the kitchen yet, and because she was financing this deal I was trying hard to narrow it down when I got a call from her one morning while she was at Target. While browsing, she found a white 4.5 quart, 275 watt Kitchenaid Mixer on clearance for $124.99. At half off, I wouldn't have cared what color it was, but white was such a blessing in disguise! Not only will it match pretty much everything, but Scott & I had just been discussing how dark many of our options in our new home would be (flooring, cabinets, granite ) and that we should focus on bringing pops of white & light color into our decor. Since this baby will be staying on my counter top, it'll be a perfect contrast in the kitchen.

Above photo belongs to IINKY! Visit them here!

Also, can we talk about how cute these decals are? I found this one on Etsy for $12.50 & a simple search for "Kitchenaid Mixer Decal" results in over 300 decals to choose from, many with options to customize or to contact the designer and have one them create a unique one just for you. I can't wait to figure out what colors are going in my kitchen so I can order one and dress my mixer up a little!

So even though it's September, I knew this thing was just sitting at my mom's house begging to be let out and after surprisingly minimal pleading I already have it in my possession. As soon as I got it home I started trying to figure out what my first recipe using this was going to be and I quickly decided on a very simple & traditional chocolate chip cookie recipe that was in the Kitchenaid book that came with the mixer.

Can I just say that making these cookies were so, SO easy? This mixer takes so much work out of making that it's no wonder, after just a single use, why so many people love it so much.  Even the 4.5 quart bowl that I have, which some would consider to be small compared to other much larger models, held a recipe for 5 dozen cookies. Disclaimer: I did not read the directions very thoroughly because I didn't realize this recipe would make 5 dozen cookies until after I was staring at a very large amount of cookie dough wondering why there was so much. What can I say? Let's call it a learning curve. I'll be honest, I didn't read the owners manual to this thing and it was incredibly easy t use. I'll absolutely be looking it over so that I can understand what all it can do and what all the different attachments are for specifically, but the design is incredibly intuitive and user friendly. Speaking of attachments, there are a ton that you can purchase and use with this mixer. I've got my eye on this ice cream maker attachment & this flex edge beater.

As for the cookies? They came out of the oven perfectly. I'm always my own worst critic but I'm lucky in that Scott never tells me something is good just to spare my feelings... I value his opinion so much because he'll always let me know if it's spot on & if something needs to be adjusted (or perhaps just not made again ha!), he's the first to hit me up with some gentle honesty. The fact that over a dozen of these cookies were gone before I could get them in ziplock bags speaks volumes & we both agreed that these were much better than the typical pre-made cookie dough we usually buy from the grocery store.

I am by no means a health freak, but if I can eliminate more processed foods by doing more baking from scratch, then I'm absolutely up for the challenge of trying to create more naturally & with less preservatives. These cookies contained simple ingredients & I can actually pronounce everything that's in them, so I think that's a good place to start.

While it will take a few more uses and lots of trial and error before I realize the full potential of this mixer, I can say hands down that it was worth the investment. My advice? Run, don't walk, to your nearest Target and try to find this model on clearance for the price my mom was able to able to pay. If you can't snag it at that deal, check the sales & watch for online discounts. While I think this product is well worth it's price tag, there's no reason to pay full price for something you can find discounted. I would also recommend trying to find a used mixer if the previous owner can provide evidence that it's been well taken care of. These mixers are built to last a long time & purchasing one that's only a few years old would be a great way to save!

I'm incredibly excited to get in the kitchen more & with the holidays coming up, I can't wait to try out new recipes using my mixer. Do you have a favorite recipe that would be perfect for me to try out? I'd love to hear from you!

book haul + 2nd & Charles review!

Since I moved to Charlotte (almost a year ago...woah!!), I've been trying really hard to discover our city. I spend extra time driving new roads & getting lost on purpose so that I can find all the hidden gems of where we live. It 's been a really fun adventure and I'm so thankful to live in a place where there are so many different places to visit with so much to do.

A few weeks ago, Scott & I discovered our current favorite store called 2nd & Charles and let me just say, I'm in love. It would take an entire blog post to try and describe every facet of what this place is, but in short, it's a book store that sells way more than just books where you can buy, sell & trade your own media. They also sell music, dvds, fandom merchandise, a small amount of gift items (like coffee mugs), comic books & video games. They have a section for electronics, too, so you can buy pre-owned phones, gaming systems, kindles, etc.

The first time we visited, we were on a time crunch so the realization of what 2nd & Charles is didn't really set in until our second visit when we spent hours just browsing. The new books & the preloved books are mingled in together, which I absolutely love. Right beside a current best seller you may easily find an old favorite that's in excellent condition, or a book that you've always wanted to read but never got around to getting. I love books and I love reading so this was just nerd heaven for me.

As far as prices go, my wallet & I are super excited to say that this is an excellent place to purchase used titles that are in excellent condition. Scott & I are in the process of building our first home and one of the rooms we wanted to create was a library / study that would be sort of an extension of our master bedroom. We want to create a space that's incredibly comfy & relaxing (and technology free), so we've been on a mission to find both our favorite books that we've already read & new-to-us books to fill our future book cases. There's no way we could afford to purchase all of the books we want brand new, so I'm very thankful for a store like 2nd & Charles where most books are around $6, but I've snagged a few as low as $3!

My first purchases were cook books. This place has a GREAT selection of cook books... if you're working to build up your cook book collection, this is a great place to thrift through. For these six cook books, I paid $24.10 and their retail value new is around $94.00!  There are very few signs of wear on any of these books & some look like they've never been open. I'm excited to try out these recipes & get to abandon the Internet for how-to's. Perhaps a blog post is in order talking about my mission to decrease technology? I'm very excited about that goal...



My second set of purchases were specifically for leisure reading. I am so excited to dive into these! There's a healthy mix of fiction, Christian living, health & finance...what can I say? My taste is eclectic! From top to bottom, this stack includes: Wither by Lauren DeStefano, Everlasting by Elizabeth Chandler (which is actually a sequal! I need to pick up the first book), French Women Don't Get Fat by Mirelle Guilliano, Wrecked by Anna Davies, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Start Your New Life Today by Joyce Meyer & Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey. In total I paid $37.70 for $124.90 worth of books!

Oh, and when I say we "paid" for these...well, technically we did pay, but not traditionally. Their system of buying your pre-loved items worked wonderfully for us! We had an old iPhone 5 + a couple books & movies and ended up with close to $200 in store credit... um, what?! On top of that, every time you check out you get a receipt with a survey. Fill out the survey and you get $5 off your next purchase of at least $25.00. $5.00 is enough to get a great book at 2nd & Charles, so it's like getting a free book every time you visit just for filling out their survey!

Scott & I love coming here for a date night. We stick together and look at books & then we go do our own thing on different isles, then we meet back up and go through our basket that we've inevitably filled up before making our final selections. This is such a fun trip to take together that doesn't cost a lot of money. Not every trip we take ends up with a haul like the two above, although it's hard to leave empty handed.

My only dilemma now is which book to start first!