Pages

I upgraded (and so did my ex-husband).

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

A few nights ago I was driving home from work with my left hand positioned on the steering wheel at just the right angle so that as I slowed to a stop in my driveway, I was left to gaze at my engagement ring in a very typical "just engaged" fashion. The diamond sparkled beautifully in the dim lighting of the night & it fit like a dream. "Damn," I thought to myself, "I upgraded."

It is no secret that this is not my first engagement, and it won't be my first marriage either. There are days that I am still ashamed of that fact because I, too, once preached that "my first marriage will be my only marriage" and "divorce wasn't an option - ever." But the reality is that divorce was an option and the reason my first marriage didn't make it was precisely because I didn't believe it could ever fail. That, I learned, was my biggest mistake during the years of calling myself Olivia Lowman. I believed that my marriage was invincible and I did not need to protect it because we were simply going to make it. Divorce was not going to happen and no matter what, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse (or really worse or oh-my-God-can-it-even-get-any-worse) we were going to stay married until "death do us part."

So as I sat in my driveway gazing longingly at my new bling, I looked up a the house that Scott and I built together and I reflected on how so much has changed over the past few years. The biggest change of all, I noticed, was the change in myself. A few years ago, I was a self-admitted mess. I was selfish & unforgiving, depressed, anxious, and a slew of other adjectives that you'd never put on a resume, including unhappy...and so was my ex-husband. The key word in that sentence? Was.

We were awful at being married. Friends and family of my ex may read this and think, "well no wonder he was awful, you were awful," and my friends and family may read this and think, "he was the awful one, he's even the one that left," but the truth is, he's just the one that drove away. In different ways, we both left our marriage long before the separation began and yes, even though I did try to salvage the marriage and begged him to come home, I don't really blame him for not wanting to. Now let me make one thing clear, no matter how cringe-worthy it may be for anyone to read: My ex-husband & I could have made it work. We could have done a lot of things differently during our marriage and at the bitter end, we didn't make the right choice. This is a simple truth that any person who calls themselves a Christian already knows to be true: divorce is not God's plan and He hates it. We should still be married to this day & if we had stuck through the darkest part of our marriage, we'd probably be okay right now. 

I say this because I don't want anyone reading this who is married & going through a really rough patch - or perhaps even their own separation or divorce - to think my point in writing this is to glorify divorce & remarriage. God can take the most broken marriage & the most broken husband or wife and He can change their heart. He can mend what we think can't be fixed. He can heal the wounds we think are too deep to repair. He can rebuild the trust we don't think we can offer to our spouse anymore. He can restore joy inside the heart of the most depressed... I could go on and on and on. But for those who don't truly know that yet, and for those who allowed the enemy to step in and make a decision that we should have given to God, there is grace. 

I walked inside and unloaded the day's baggage before making my way upstairs. I made a mental note of how big our new house really is, not just in square feet but in the blessing of getting to live here. When I got upstairs I found my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I washed off the day's makeup. As I stared at myself with my hair back, make-up off, and jewelry put away I repeated the same thought I had in the driveway with an amendment: "I upgraded, and so did Ethan." 

If you haven't caught on, I'm not talking about diamonds. I'm not talking about the new person I'm sharing my life with or the house we're calling a home. I'm talking about myself. The version of Olivia that Scott proposed to isn't the same as the version of Olivia that was married to Ethan. The version of Ethan that Sarah falls asleep next to every night is not the same version of Ethan that I was married to. Thank God, right? 

We upgraded. 
We grew up. 
We made mistakes & we punished ourselves far more harshly than we needed to. 
We lived & we learned. 
We became forgiving.
We became better listeners.
We became trusting.
We became trustworthy.
We became happy.
We upgraded.

And I'm going to take a second to do something else that's typically taboo. I'm going to brag about my ex for a second, because like it or not, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the person I shared almost a decade of my life with. So here goes: I'm proud of him & Sarah. She wasn't around to hear it, but he's been talking about being a dad since he was 16. I knew he'd be an amazing father & now he is. He has two beautiful sons with a truly beautiful woman. They've blended their family together & Ethan works hard to provide for them. I don't doubt for one second that Upgraded Ethan is doing everything I always knew he was capable of & I am beyond thankful that he's in a relationship that makes him happy. That was always our wish for each other in the beginning & that wish has come true...maybe in a slightly different fashion that we envisioned so many years ago, but it's come true none the less.

As for Upgraded Olivia? The Lord has blessed me beyond measure. I was telling a friend last night on the phone that as soon as I stopped trying to control my life and I let God have the reins, things fell into place. I am engaged to the most patient & kind man. Scott is more than I could have dreamed and hoped for...he is truly who I prayed for. He shows me the love of the Lord every day through his actions & through his words. He does not envy, he doesn't boast and he isn't proud. Scott doesn't dishonor other people and he isn't self-seeking. He doesn't get angry quickly and he never keeps a record of what I do wrong. He rejoices in truth and doesn't delight in evil. My fiance always protects me. He always trusts me and hopes with me. He perseveres. He never fails me.

It's quite fitting that this is my last blog post of 2015. All of us are ready for 2016. It will be a year of so much excitement. Engagement parties, wedding showers, marriages, children's birthday parties, time with family and the chance to keep upgrading every. single. day. 

My handsome fiance, me, Ethan & his beautiful wife-to be. Happiness, the Lord's blessings and upgrading looks good on everyone. 


Happy new year. 




Building 6610

Sunday, December 13, 2015

When I started this blog I said I may not be posting regularly, but oops. I didn't mean to go two months with radio silence. Silence on the blog doesn't means silence in real life, though...on the contrary! Scott and I have been so busy with work and life and perhaps we've been the busiest with just waiting for our first HOME to be built!  I thought I'd share a few pictures of the process before doing our big reveal once we close... which is happening in NINE days!

Scott has lived in our apartment since before we started dating, and when we began our relationship & I moved in and started helping out with the bills... woah, did the price of rent smack me in the face. I had previously paid a mortgage that was much less than what we've been paying monthly and Scott longed to have a home that was really his. So, rather quickly, we started looking into real estate in our area. We went "neighborhood shopping" for a few weeks before realizing how affordable building a house is in our area right now. Where I'm from, neighborhoods don't just pop up all the time so building typically requires purchasing land and then hiring a contractor to build the home. Here, though, real estate is exploding and there are tons of neighborhoods in development. We visited probably one million model homes which was really fun at first but then became incredibly exhausting. We finally found the perfect one & in June of this year, we signed our names on the line and began the tedious process of hurry up & wait.

I'd like to tell you that the whole process was just plain exciting & fun and that there were no fights that lasted through the night about what color granite would go in the kitchen and whether or not the fireplace would go in the middle of the wall or the corner or if we'd even have one at all, but I'm an honest girl. I'm incredibly grateful that Scott really puts me first and that at 1am when I'm almost in tears over a fireplace (in retrospect, I may have been PMSing at the time), he simply took my hand and said, "Baby, call the builder first thing. Let's add the fireplace. And let's go to bed."

Overall, after one or two bouts of doubting all the choices we made, though, the process was incredibly easy. Scott & I both have very similar tastes and we had a long list of "musts" and "wants" and "we can live withouts" that made narrowing down the floor plan & choices rather easy. We ended up going with Ryland homes in the floor plan Landrum - D. Thankfully, we were able to visit a few homes in this floor plan, so we weren't going in too blindly. It blows my mind how some people are able to look at a paper and decide on a plan...I'm way too visual for that.


We pretty randomly picked out our lot without thinking much about it. In fact, this was the first lot the sales person showed us and we loved that it was near a cul-de-sac and also had a protected tree line. We knew we didn't want a large yard but needed enough for our dogs to run and play once we built a fence and lot 128 fit our needs nicely!


Once we picked out our lot, we scheduled a trip to the design center where we'd pick out the details of our home:


And after that, we did lots & lots of waiting until they were ready to begin. We spent lots of miles just driving past "our dirt" to remind ourselves of what we were working towards. It was tough being on a really tight budget for seven long months and not being able to always "see" what we were saving for. There were some really frustrating days when we wanted to go do things or buy certain things and the money was right there in our account but we couldn't touch it because of this seemingly mythical house we were "supposedly" going to be moving into "eventually."

I remember this day so clearly... we drove by the lot and we finally saw a little progress! They were getting ready to pour the foundation and we had been told that once the foundation was poured, it would go by really fast. 


 

After we saw that work was starting, we began driving by ALL the time. I really think this kept me sane... I loved watching our hard work come to life and we used it as motivation to keep saving & waiting patiently. Here you can see the foundation begin! 




A few days later, the sales rep for the development sent us this picture of the frame work going up and it went up fast.


By the time we got by to see it in person, it already looked like a house and the second floor was constructed!


This is an important picture that really brought me to tears when I saw it in person. Originally, to save money, I compromised and didn't get a fireplace so we could get the upstairs balcony that Scott really loved. We looked at re-sale value and the cost of gas and agreed that the fireplace was going to be more costly in the long run and that (to my surprise) most people opt out of a fireplace now when they build, so it wouldn't be a big deal when we decided to sell down the road. After a few restless nights and Scott knowing it was on my mind, well, you already know the rest of the story (see above):




The roof was finished & siding started to go up:


It looked so good once it was all on!



I have tons  of pictures of inside framework & drywall that I won't bore you with, but here are a few that will serve as good "before" pictures of the inside: 

Then our stone was completed and our driveway was poured. We were incredibly happy that the driveway was poured because that meant we didn't have to walk across dirt and mud every time we wanted to go inside:



From here, it was lots of detail-oriented work and sometimes when we'd visit it didn't look like a lot had happened day-to-day, but we were excited for cabinets, stair rails, and the mantel. It started to look like a real home, not just a house:

Paint really made it come together in our minds even though there was a lot left to be done:

 

Flooring was next, even though they keep the wood covered to protect it. Tile was laid in our bathrooms & carpet on the steps & upstairs:

    

Y'all don't even know how exciting sod is until you build a house: 


Or how exciting appliances & countertops can be: 
 



And finally, the most recent shot of the outside with our columns painted!



We cannot wait until we close on the 22nd! We do our final walk-through on Tuesday and then, once we sign on the dotted line (for what seems like the zillionth time), we can start moving in. At first we planned to move in slowly through mid-february when our lease is up in our apartment, but we're just too dang excited now, so expect lots of pictures & home decor updates between now and then!

Would anyone be interested in youtube videos of our house projects & progress? Scott & I have been tossing the idea around and it sounds kind of fun. Let me know!






 
Design by Studio Mommy (© Copyright 2015)